


No matter how dark the night, morning always comes

by NiennorNight (Niennor_Night)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: (only on first chapter), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Graphic Description of Corpses, Horror, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Malec, Nightmares, Romance, Suicide, Triggers, please read the note
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-10-04 05:57:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10269806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niennor_Night/pseuds/NiennorNight
Summary: It was a normal day. Magnus had no idea what was in store for him when he went to sleep, happy in Alec's arms. Just like he had no idea back then, that his life was about to change drastically.~o~A story of Magnus' past and present.





	1. Endless Night

**Author's Note:**

> VERY IMPORTANT NOTE. PLEASE READ.
> 
> The first (And only the FIRST. The 2nd one is safe.) chapter of this story, contains sensitive, gruesome depictions and possibly triggering material regarding suicide. Reader discretion is advised. If you think it is too much for you, you can skip the 1st chapter and only read the 2nd, which as I said before, is totally safe.
> 
> Thank you and sorry. Do go on.

"Mama?" The child called softly, opening the barn door and peeking inside, the dim light entering the wooden building from some gaps on the roof. "Mama? Are you here?"

No answer. It had been a bad winter and the last of their animals were gone, so now there was not one living soul in the structure. She had no reason to be there, but he'd been looking for her for hours and there was nowhere else she could be. A gust of wind blew and he shuddered, but just as he was about to close the door and step away, he heard something. It came from the wooden beams, supporting the barn roof. A soft creaking.

He looked up, but saw nothing from where he was standing, so he dropped his eyes again and pushed the door open, his tiny hands trembling a little as a sense of dread he couldn't place descended over him. He stepped inside slowly, his footsteps on the frozen ground echoing in the, once more, unearthly silence. It felt as if the whole world was holding its breath; waiting for something.

His eyes fell on a toppled chair, and he stopped; the same feeling of dread returning to him, suddenly feeling scared, without knowing why. "Mama?" He asked again, hesitantly, wanting to go back home, but **_needing_** to find her first. Where was she? Another frozen gust of wind entered the building and he heard it again. The wood creaking, right above him.

**~o~**

The boy raised his eyes and smiled, all fears forgotten as he finally saw her. "Mama!" He still didn't know where the sound had come from, but he didn't care, cause there she was at last. She had her back on him, and was floating a few feet from the ground.

"Mama, what are you doing?" He asked again, taking a step closer, when she ignored him. "Ma-" Another gust of wind and the creaking echoed again, cutting his words off.

Slowly, still floating, she turned around and the little boy smiled again, only to freeze when she faced him completely. Her head was tilted a little to the side and her skin was too pale, coming in stark contrast with the raven black hair framing her face. Her otherwise full of life brown eyes were dull and misty, staring into nothingness.

"Mummy? Why are you making that face? Mama…? You're scaring me."

She didn't answer him, neither changed her expression. She didn't even look at him. Instead, he heard the creaking again and she turned away slowly once more.

Just then he noticed the rope around her neck and following it with his eyes,  he realised that was what caused the creaking as it passed over a wooden beam near the ceiling, and ended up on another one, on the wall.

Seeing that she wouldn't listen to him and get down by herself, he decided he should cut the rope that helped her fly, so he did and she dropped to the floor with a thud, her raven hair covering her face. He ran beside her at once, falling down on his knees beside her. "Mama! I'm sorry! Are you hurt?" He called, turning her gently and brushing the hair off her face, only to be met with that scary void expression again, noticing now that he saw her up close, that there were also dark blue veins branching out on her unnaturally white skin.

"Mummy…" He whined close to tears now. "What's wrong?"

_He had seen someone make that expression before. A man lying on the side of the street on a pool of red liquid, staring up to the sky. His mum had told him he was just sleeping and pulled him away as more people approached._

"Are you sleeping?" He asked in a small voice and touched her face, closing her eyes softly. "You're freezing… You'll get a cold, mama, you can't sleep here. Mummy, wake up. Get up, mama!" He shook her trying to wake her up, tears falling from his eyes, scared and confused as she just kept ignoring him.

**~o~**

He heard footsteps and then his father's voice calling her name.

The boy let her go and ran to him, pleading, grabbing his arm with both of his small hands. "Ayah! Mama won't wake, tell her she'll catch a cold if she sleeps here! We have to go back home!"

His father wasn't acknowledging him either, but was instead looking at **her** with a horrified expression on his face. "Ayah?" The child called again scared when he saw tears falling from his father's eyes. He'd never seen him cry before.

The man turned to him at last, his devastated expression turning into one of rage. "You! It's all your fault!" He screamed grabbing the terrified boy's arm violently, and dragging him out of the barn, leaving his wife behind.

"Papa? Where are we going? Papa? Daddy, it hurts!" He cried from the pain when his father put more pressure on his arm and pulled him abruptly.

"I'm going to end this! I won't let you hurt anyone else!"

"Ayah I swear I didn't do anything! Daddy, let go, it hurts! I didn't do anything bad, I was just looking for mama! Papa, we have to go get her, she's cold!"

The man stopped abruptly, releasing his hand, and the boy fell on the ground, the soft mud beside the river breaking his fall a little.

"She's **dead**!" He shouted at the child who looked up at him terrified, still on his hands and knees deep in mud. "She's dead because of you! You **_killed_** her!"

"No…" He muttered, tears falling from his golden cat-eyes. "She can't be. Papa I swear I didn't do anything! It's not my fault!"

"Your existence is a fault! A mistake!" He screamed and the boy gasped, and began crying even harder. "I should have killed you when you were born! She would be alive now!"

 _'My fault…?'_ He was sobbing now, covering his face with his muddy hands. "I'm sorry, I didn't want this, I'm sorry papa, I didn't mean to, I'm sorry…" He cried, struggling to breathe through tearful sobs.

"Get up." The man told him coldly, unmoved by the heart-wrecking sobs.

The child lowered his hands to look at him, and even though he was covered in mud, his amber eyes shone brilliantly and the man took a step back, scared. "Demon!"

"I'm not a demon…" The boy sobbed, raising his arms, still reaching out to him even after everything. He was the only one he had left.

He was just a small, hurt, terrified child, covered in mud and tears, crying out for its father, but all the blind, heartless man could see was a monster trying to touch him. Ignoring the fact that the monster was **him** and not the boy, he grabbed his arm again violently, not caring if it broke, and dragged him up while the child screamed in pain.

" **Ayah**! It hurts!!" The man headed towards the river beside them ignoring his son's cries and sobbing. "It hurts…"

He shoved him into the swallow cold water stepping in after him and gripped his neck choking him, and pushing him underwater.

He fought, but his father was stronger and he couldn't overpower him as he wrapped his little arms over the bruising hands trying to shake him off. _'I'm scared, it hurts!'_ He tried to scream but only got a mouthful of water and almost blacked out. _'I'm scared, I'm scared, it hurts, I can't breathe, it hurts, I'm scared, let go!'_

He saw a blue light behind his closed eyelids and all the pressure on him disappeared. He gasped, falling on his hands and knees on the river shore, coughing up water and trembling from the cold. Struggling to breathe he looked up to see what happened, why did his father let him go, hoping it was because he didn't want to hurt him after all.

And there, in the dying light he saw for the second time in the past hour, a pair of wide, dead eyes looking back at him, no longer seeing him.

He gasped and crawled back, away from the body. "No… I didn't mean to… I'm sorry…"

He had bruises on his arms and neck, and was shivering violently from the cold and fear, his own eyes wide and terrified, unable to look away from the charred corpse still burning with magic blue fire.


	2. Guardian Angel

And then he heard them. Angry voices calling his name. The name **she** gave him. But that wasn't the only thing they were saying…

"Monster! Demon! Murderer!"

"No, no, no. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…" He tried to get up, but his legs wouldn't hold him and he fell back down, crawling away.

Thankfully the villagers, even though bloodthirsty, were as scared of him as he was of them, so they hesitated to attack him and he finally managed to find enough strength to stand and run away, hiding among some nearby trees and fleeing, never ending tears falling from his cat-eyes as he struggled to breathe through sobs.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

The branches around him caught on his clothes tearing them and scratched his arms and legs drawing blood, but he didn't care as he ran and ran until the world around him sank into darkness. And still he kept on running; the voices cursing him never ceasing. "Demon spawn! Monster!"

He was tired, cold and terrified. All he wanted to do was crawl somewhere warm and sleep but he was too afraid. What if once he closed his eyes they found him? So he kept going, sinking deeper into the misty woods that always used to scare him, but not as much as the people coming after him right now.

Looking behind him, he saw the light from their torches as they gained on him and tried to run faster but tripped on a tree root and fell down. Exhausted and almost numb from the freezing weather, he wrapped his arms around his knees shivering, the injustice feeling like a lump on his throat, making it harder to breathe. In the distance, he could hear them getting closer, but he had no more strength to go on, so he just crawled inside a big old tree's trunk and closed his eyes, praying they'd pass him by.

"Get the demon! Find it before it runs away! Burn the monster!"

He cowered more and covered his ears trying to block out their voices to no avail. And then…

 _"Magnus…"_ A soft, gentle voice somehow overpowered all the other voices that were filled with anger and hate.

"That's not my name…" The child muttered, looking up, as every other sound faded completely, and along with it, so did the dark forest and his hiding place.

He found himself on a valley beside a lake with the most gorgeous blue waters he had ever seen. Just looking at the calm surface made him feel peaceful and a little nostalgic, but he couldn't remember why.

 _"Magnus."_ The beautiful voice called again, and he realised that it **_was_** his name. He looked down at his hands remembering, and saw they were no longer the hands of a child but those of a man.

 _"Please Magnus wake up…"_ The pleading voice resounded in the night one more time.

"Alex-ander?" His lips shaped the name as if by instinct, before his muddled mind could connect it to the soft voice.

_"Please my love…"_

Here it was again. Why did he sound so sad? So worried? Even through his own anguish, Magnus felt an urge to protect that beloved voice from any kind of sadness or pain.

_"Wake up…"_

He looked up and saw the Darkness of the endless night dispersing, driven away by the love in that gentle voice.

**~o~**

He opened his eyes slowly, blinking back tears, and found himself back home, in Brooklyn, hundreds of years after that nightmarish night.

"Magnus…?" Alec's voice pulled him back to reality again, and he looked up to see the young Nephilim leaning over him, his blue eyes filled with worry and endless love. "Baby? Are you okay?" He asked, softly touching his face, wiping his tears away.

Still shaken by the dream, Magnus raised his arms reaching out for him, just like his 9-year-old self had done back then, seeking comfort and a loving embrace. And eons later, he finally found it. Alec hugged him tightly and Magnus' self-control dispersed, as he struggled to breathe again, tears falling from his golden cat-eyes.

"It's okay, it's okay…" His lover soothed holding him close. "You're okay, it was just a bad dream, everything is alright baby, hush…"

"Alec…" He sobbed, unable to compose himself.

“I'm here, I got you…”

"I thought they loved me…" He whimpered, trying to breathe through tears.

"Sh, sh… Don't speak my love… Let it all out. You're okay, it's over, it wasn't real. It can't hurt you anymore."

He buried his face on Alec's chest and cried as the Shadowhunter caressed his back and hair muttering sweet nothings and soothing words in his ear.

Finally, after a while when he managed to calm down a little, he spoke, his voice raspy and raw from all the crying. "I saw her… Just like that day.”

Alec had heard the story before, so he understood immediately what Magnus was talking about and squeezed him, caressing his back soothingly.

"I knew something was wrong.” The Warlock muttered in a broken voice. “I could feel it. How could my mother who had always been so beautiful and full of life suddenly look like that? I knew it wasn't normal. But all I could do was deny it. I…"

“Hush… Don't think about it now…” Alec whispered.

Magnus only shook his head and went on, so Alec let him. "I didn't understand why she did it, back then. But I know now. A few days before, I had gone to her, happy and excited, because of something I had just discovered."

Alec stroked his hair gently and asked softly. "What was it?"

He raised his hand, blue light coming from his fingertips, taking form until it became a small kitten hovering in the air beside them, casting a soft blue light on his tired eyes. Alec looked at it in awe, marveling at the beauty of his Warlock's magic that he never got tired of, no matter how many times he saw.

“I found out by accident one day that I could create things like that, so I ran to show her, expecting to see in her eyes the expression I see now on yours.” Magnus said, touching the Nephilim's cheek lovingly, a small smile on his face as Alec smiled at him.

“But that wasn't the case.” He added, his short-lived smile fading as a shadow came over his eyes when the memory returned. “Because when my magic appeared, so did those.”

Magnus added looking at him, his cat-eyes glimmering in the darkness, and Alec immediately understood what he was talking about. "Back then I had thought they were beautiful." Magnus added, laughing bitterly, half-changing the subject, wanting to forget the terrified expression on her face when she had looked at him. "Since I've always loved cats and all. You know how children are. They don't realise when something is bad."

"Children and madmen always speak the truth." Alec quoted touching his face. "They  _ **are**_  beautiful. Just like every part of you my love."

Magnus only shook his head denying his lover's claim. "It's a demon's mark Alec. It's not beautiful. It's just proof of what I am. A _demon-spawn_." He said the words he had heard shouted at him countless times, his golden eyes becoming glassy as cruel past memories assaulted him.

"Hey." Alec said, unable to take his pain. "No. Magnus. That's not true at all."

"I killed her Alexander. He was right. It was all my fault."

"Mags…"

"And then I killed him too."

" _ **He**_  deserved to die!" Alec exclaimed surprising him, fire burning in his blue eyes. "What kind of man could do that to his child? To  _ **any**_ child???"

Magnus looked at him not knowing what to say, so Alec went on. “Even if he wasn't your blood, he's the one who raised you, so he  **was**  your real father. Just like my parents are for Jace. He should have never raised a hand on you. If he was still alive I would kill him myself for what he did. He wasn't much better than the  _ **real**_  demons I kill every day.”

“Alec, I am-”

“ **No**. I know what you're going to say and I don't want to hear it. **Blood doesn't matter.** ” Alec cut him off. “You are the kindest person I know. You are more angel than most Nephilim, even if you have demon blood in you. And there are Nephilim as bad as demons even with all the angel blood running through their veins.”

“Alexan-” His words were cut off, what he intended to say forgotten, as a creaking sound, suddenly resounded in the otherwise silent room.

Magnus gasped softly and shut his eyes tightly, memories unable to fade, assaulting him again. Alec hugged him closer shushing him, as he looked around to locate the source of the noise.

Realising it was the bedroom door, moving because of the wind coming through the open window, he pressed a kiss on Magnus' hair and gently tried to untangle himself from him, to close either the window or the door, but his Warlock tightened his grip, whimpering softly. "Please don't go. Don't leave me… You said…"

"Hush…" Alec whispered into his ear. “I won't. I'm not going anywhere."

He nodded, still shivering from the shock, and Alec asked softly, an idea occurring to him. "Please summon my bow for me baby…"

Magnus looked up at him and did so, without a word.

"Thank you." Alec said planting another kiss on his hair and grabbing the bow that was lying on the bed beside him, he shot an arrow on the door to stop it from moving.

"All better now." he soothed kissing his forehead, gently pulling his hands off his ears.

Magnus looked up, and saw the arrow holding the door closed. "We can't get out now…" He whispered, still not over the horrible dream and the images it had brought back to the surface of his mind.

"We don't need to." Alec crooned. "It's safe here. You're safe now. I'm here with you, and I will never let anyone or anything hurt you ever again." He said with fervour, his voice filled with love as he held him impossibly close. “It was just a bad dream…”

"A very old one." Magnus muttered, burying his face on his Shadowhunter's shoulder.

"You've seen it before?" Alec asked, before inwardly chastising himself, because he knew the answer already. Of course he would have. It had been centuries since it happened. He looked at the man he loved worried, wondering if Magnus had had anyone to comfort him when it happened in the past.

"Many times…" The Warlock said, before answering his unspoken question. "But even if I wasn't alone when I did, whoever was with me at the time would leave."

The Shadowhunter's eyes widened and he hugged him tighter, almost to the point of pain, though Magnus welcomed the comforting touch.

When Alec spoke again, his voice was almost a growl, filled with barely suppressed rage for those who came before him.

"I swear I'll never leave you. You won't be alone again, not now, not ever. I'll always be with you through everything. Through the good, and especially through the bad. I'll be there to chase the nightmares away. To keep you safe." He added squeezing him tighter to emphasize his point, and lost in his arms, Magnus found it easy to truly believe him. In that moment, hugging him back, holding on to him and breathing in his scent, he felt safer than ever before. Safe and loved.

Alec hadn't actually said the words before, but he didn't need to. His actions spoke louder than any words, and Magnus knew now, without a doubt how his lover felt about him. He raised his head to look into the Nephilim’s beautiful blue eyes, that were looking at him with concern and endless love, and whispered what had been on the tip of his tongue for a while now, finally not afraid to say it anymore..

**"I love you."**

Alec's breath hitched and he gasped softly. His Warlock's cat-eyes were tired and blood shot but completely sincere and full of love and Alec felt his heart dance. He cradled his lover's face bringing their foreheads together, and whispered never looking away from his emerald cat-eyes. "I love you too. I love you so much…"

Magnus leaned closer bringing their lips together in a soft kiss that put the broken pieces of his soul back together as he sighed in relief closing his eyes.

There would be no more nightmares. And even if there were, Alec would be there when he woke up to make everything better. His beloved guardian Angel, would save him from the darkness like he always had. 

**Author's Note:**

> According to google translation, "Ayah" means "dad" in Indonesian.


End file.
